I feel like trash! My head hangs down in shame, a true reflection of the state of my ego and self esteem. This thought pummels the inside of my brain and heart: I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID IT AGAIN!
I feel like a dude running in circles, thinking he’s making progress. He finally discovers he keeps returning to the same spot and tries running in a bigger circle, but alas! Returns to the same starting point.
I feel like a drunkard who is all sober… for now.
But that is not what I don’t get.
I have promised God o’er and o’er again that I would never do this, but I find myself breaking my restraints and God’s laws.
The weight of my sins gnaw on my soul. My guilt is made worse by the fact that I’ve known my God, my Father, my best friend for a long time now. I know His will, yet I find myself in a cycle of betrayal-repentance-betrayal. Yet this is not what I don’t get.
I tried confessing my sins, but I was having a hard time believing He would even listen, considering I had been down this road many times before and always wound up back in this mess. I was already deep in the realm of despair and helplessness.
I mustered my strength just to look through my devotional for the day.
Our daily bread: 11-01-13,
Topic- Eye witness account.
Text: 1 John chapter 1.
In my gloomy state, I started reading the scripture unexcitedly, but suddenly, the words were literally speaking to me as a person.
I’ve read this scripture severally, but never was it as meaningful to me as it is now…especially verse 9:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
I was stunned, speechless, I thought to myself; God knew I’d need this, He knew I’d fall short, so He made ready that scripture to lift me up and help restore me.
After all I’ve done, You still love love me this much?
I JUST DON’T GET THIS! But I’m grateful. SELAH!
kunlesafe 